dynamics and identity | you are your own person

We are all sorts of things to all sorts of people. The ‘loud one’ in our friend group, yet the ‘quiet one’ at home. It is phenomenal how one person can assume a myriad of identities dependent on setting and circumstance. What’s even more fascinating, however, is how little control we appear to have over our place within a group. Without even realising we slot neatly into a jigsaw, twisting and curving to make room for others in spite of oneself.

There often comes a time at which we no longer want to be a part of the jigsaw. We want to clip a corner here, an edge there, all in an attempt to become a better person (or so one hopes). This isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s never easy as far as I’m concerned. You can reshape yourself as much as you want, but you cannot reshape others unless they want it for themselves.

This in turn means that it is incredibly difficult to change how you are perceived within a group. No matter how few arguments come as a result of your character, if you are perceived as ‘the one who starts arguments’, that is how you will be identified. If you are ‘the peacemaker’, you can start as many arguments you like without turning a hair, all because of your perceived identity within the group.

Grim and all as this may sound, there is something liberating about this realisation. Freedom accompanies the notion that battling others is futile. Your real target should be yourself. Changing yourself means changing your world, not the world we share. The people and events you attract will come as a result of said change, in stark contrast to what came as a result of your place in the jigsaw.

You are your own person. You are free.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

Author: The Electric Oracle

Hello! My name is Clodagh, and I run 'The Electric Oracle'. You can read a little more about me on - you guessed it - the 'about' section of my page.

25 thoughts on “dynamics and identity | you are your own person”

  1. About a year ago I quit my job and left behind a very good union wage, my healthcare, and my pension. I left because I felt exactly how you worded it – like a piece of a jigsaw. I don’t know if it was courage, or hubris, or what, but somehow my jigsaw piece folded itself into an origami pterodactyl and soared away. I’ve chosen an uphill battle, but I’ve never been happier.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you! I needed this today. It’s always hard to know you are changed/changing but others are fighting so hard to keep their perception of you in their minds and their attitudes towards you that it makes it hard to be around them. I am experiencing this right now in my life. It’s completely draining and it makes me not even want to be around these people.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for your power-filled insights. Yes, all we can change is ourselves. And, I paraphrase Viktor Frankl, “we can change our attitude to others and the world.” I’ve found that at moments when I truly love myself, I’m no much worried about change. I discover I like who I am and what I am becoming. Ray

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So true! It is much easier to start over with a new social group then change their perception of you. Perhaps that is why it can be so hard to get your family to see you for who you currently are. In my case a 31yr old that kinda has her life together & avoids drama, when they see the 18yr old that loved drama & flitted from idenity to idenity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes exactly! Showing your family who you really are can be borderline impossible because their opinion of you is so deeply ingrained + allows them to carry on living their lives the way they want to. Thank you for reading!


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