the stagnation of ‘having it all’

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I was really, really happy before Christmas. The happiest I’d been in years. Life was gliding and it felt fantastic.

You can guess where this is going. In January of this year, things went downhill and life got bleak. Again. There was no life; I breathed, ate, slept, but nothing more.

Thankfully I have readjusted, and life has colour again. I want to savour, not survive. In the past three months I have done more than I ever did in the five-ish months before Christmas. There have been dips and dark days, but I plough ahead because I know I want to, not because I have to.

I truly believe that I ‘had it all’ before Christmas; the soft contentedness was almost childlike. Nothing could – and nothing did – harm me. This was wonderful, but it was stagnant. Deeply, deeply stagnant. I relaxed into complacency, dropping me further into stagnation.

Fast forward to this year in all its painful glory, and I have accomplished far more. Searing trauma has provided me with contrast; if life can be terrible, life can be great. If I plough ahead and focus on this greatness, the contrast intensifies and life gets better. Of course no-one would want the pain to get worse, but viewing it through the lens of contrast can make the great even greater.

What I’m really trying to say is that ‘having it all’ is not what ‘having it all’ is built up to be. All you need is a taste; any more and you are sucked into a life unlived. A content life unlived is still a life unlived.  We need the pain to encourage us to live our lives out of our own accord.

Don’t let your life glide past. You really don’t need to have it all.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

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