security lulls and shouts all at once

The future used to be my happy place. A place where I would be free to dream, achieve, and prosper. A place I would propel myself at the grand old age of 15, having come home from countless awful days at school, wishing it was all different. Fast forward seven years and things are not how I imagined they would be. For want of a more elegant phrase, life comes at ya fast.

What I am experiencing now is the future of 15-year-old Clodagh. In some respects, it’s exactly how I wanted it to be, and many of the worries I faced at that age are a thing of the past. I have, however, gone through excruciating psychological pain that I didn’t account for in the slightest. Pain that seeps into all elements of my life, tainting everything I love and live for. It’s been fun!

The changes I have endured mean that the future is a very, very different place now. I don’t dream of liberation so much as I crave security and long for contentedness. What’s more, seven years from now I’ll be 29, which is terrifying. To be frank, if I don’t have my life in order by then, I know that I’m going to feel like a complete failure. Mainly in terms of my career.

There is a simple remedy to this problem; settle right on down into a cosy, secure career and make peace with my life as it is. It almost sounds seductive. Certainty, approval, and financial security. What more could you want?!

This is where the lulling comes into play. I feel as though security is a kind of sleep you can fall into, blissfully swaddled in the rhythm of life – not dissimilar to the philosophy of Gurdjieff, who believed we all live in a kind of waking hypnosis.

I really, really, really do not want to succumb to security. This, however, is where the shouting takes centre stage. In order to live, we do need security of some kind. Financial security, a roof over our heads, etc. For this to happen, it goes without saying that stability in your profession is a huge help, if not essential. The worry that I could one day be struggling to keep a roof over my head yells at me every single time I think about the future. It ain’t fun.

There’s no real conclusion to this post, other than the fact that I know how hard I’ll have to fight both my instincts and the naysayers to prevent myself from falling asleep. I’d rather be painfully aware than blissfully unaware of what life could be like.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

missing in action…

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t posted on The Electric Oracle for two weeks. Two weeks! I think that’s my longest break thus far. I’m very very sorry, but I’ve been incredibly busy with college / uni, mainly to do with my dissertation. I’ve also been doing other bits and pieces on the side; I’ve been helping out on an Irish language and culture-based podcast called ‘Motherfoclóir’, and I’ve been preparing for Christmas.

Realistically, I won’t be posting as much on The Electric Oracle between now and Christmas, much and all as I would love to. But I deplore the idea of churning out posts for the sake of a posting schedule; if something isn’t up to par, I won’t put it out.

In the meantime, you can watch my latest video for The Electric Oracle here, you can find Motherfoclóir wherever podcasts can be found (iTunes, that little podcast button on your iPhone, and this link right here), and you can pray that I make progress with this dissertation!

Thank you for bearing with me.

Love and luck,

Clodagh x

Moment app | did I cut down on screen time?

As promised, here’s the video I put together of my experience with the Moment app. If you didn’t see my last post, the Moment app is something you can use to track how much time you spend glued to your phone (and / or other devices).

Overall it was a helpful experience, although it didn’t have a huge impact on reducing my screen time. In one week alone I spent over 24 hours staring at a screen – 24 hours! That should disgust me, but in reality it doesn’t.

For a start, the app showed me that I only picked up my phone for around 5 minutes at a time, so it’s not as if I’m spending consecutive hours staring at Twitter.

I also used my phone for essential things such as replying to messages, and generally keeping in touch with loved ones.

Give the video a watch if you’re curious as to how the app works and how you can benefit from it!

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

(P.S. : I’m so sorry this is a day late, what with college and other responsibilities there are not enough hours in the day anymore!)

I am 22 | getting older

This week – on the 26th September, to be precise – I turned 22. In all honesty, I had a lovely birthday surrounded by the people I love, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

What made me a feel just a little bit melancholy was the realisation that I am getting older. This was my first real birthday as an adult; the years between 18 and 21 are still youthful, in my opinion. 22 sounds like an age where you should have everything together. Realistically I know that very few people in their early twenties actually know what they’re doing, but it can definitely seem as though they do. I’ve yet to hit that sweet spot of wisdom and selflessness. My best self.

I get glimpses of it occasionally. Feeling confidence in the way my jacket sits on my shoulders. Not overthinking every smile and gesture that comes both from me and towards me.

Anyway. This is definitely something I’ll write more about, but for now I’ll leave you with a song that encompasses the above. Coincidentally, it’s one of my favourite songs of all time, something you’ll know if you watched my 50 Facts About Me video (shameless plug number 47472…).  

Love and luck (and apologies for the late post!),

Clodagh X

the way they make you feel | leave them behind

It is almost tragic how emotion can sweep us away. We know deep down that someone is not good for us, that they leave us raw with pain and upset with each and every encounter; yet we are still drawn towards them. Be it platonic or not, we love them. And we are powerless to prevent it.

Attempting to leave behind someone you connect with on a life level is nothing but torturous. What’s even more torturous is realising that you are the one who has been left behind. You are the one who is giving every second thought away to someone who deserves no place in your life. You are allowing someone to torture you.

Is there a remedy to this? In my opinion, yes. It’s about acceptance. You need to accept that feelings exist, that they may try to sway you from what you need. Your spirit is multifaceted; those you connect with on a soul level may not be accessing the best parts of you. Let your mind do the work. You do know what is best for you. Clinging to a semblance of happiness for the sake of your life is not worth it.

If there is someone in your life dragging you to your depths, leave them down there and rise above them. You will reach a whole new level of existence you didn’t think would see the light of day, the light of life.

It’s time to start living again.

site redesign, seven hundred + posting schedule | update

Some of you may have noticed that The Electric Oracle is looking a little different these days; I decided to change things up and redesign the layout. Personally I think it looks sharper – I hope you all like it!

We also hit 700 followers this weekend – as always, thank you endlessly for your support.

Speaking of followers, I’ve been having trouble following people all weekend –  I promise I’m not ignoring anyone! Hopefully the glitch will be resolved soon.

The last thing I wanted to address was a posting schedule for the coming months; I’ll be heading into my final year of my degree in late September, which means I’ll be busy. Very, very busy! In light of this, I’ve decided that any new post I make will go up on Friday, hopefully before 2pm GMT. There will be exceptions to the schedule, but by in large this is how it’ll be.

I hope you’re all as happy and healthy as can be; I can hardly believe we’re in the throes of autumn, summer whizzed past! Hopefully autumn will bring even more new horizons. I’m hoping to make more videos (you can watch the one I’ve already made here) as well as continue writing – what are all of your hopes for the coming season?

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

six hundred of you | gratitude + shameless plug

I hadn’t planned on posting today, but a teeny tiny celebration is in order –  thank you for 600 followers?! Having made it to 500 I thought it would take a lot longer to break another hundred, but the internet can be unpredictable at the best of times. Thank you so much for being here, I appreciate it beyond words.

Since I don’t have a whole lot to say, I thought I’d just remind you all of where else you can find The Electric Oracle;

50 Facts About Me (me being Clodagh!) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8vrDPKRRSA

Snapchat: electric_oracle

Instagram: instagram.com/clodagh.mc

I hope you’re all feeling healthy and happy. Thank you for being here.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

 

moulding emotion | look at a feeling, let it pass

It starts in your gut. You feel your stomach churn, and soon your mind starts spinning. These cogs turn together, forcing your mouth into action so that, before you know it, you’ve said something you’ll live to regret. All because of a feeling that spun out of control.

This is an all-too-familiar experience for the majority of the human race. Someone says something, we take it personally and bam! the insecurities tumble out at record speed. It is phenomenal how any issue we have with the person facing us can be compressed into a little package of hate within seconds of a misinterpreted remark.

The same thing can happen when we are faced with unpleasant circumstances. Combine this with a lack of control over said circumstances and you have enough fuel to keep the cogs whirring until you’re engulfed in nothing but feeling. All rationality goes out the window, leaving you at the mercy of your primal instincts.

While you can’t necessarily stop a feeling from emerging, you can stop it from developing. All you have to do is acknowledge its presence, and let it pass. Don’t act on it. If that means staying silent for a second, or pausing for breath, don’t hesitate to do so. Just be aware that you’re feeling angry or hurt, even unloved, and allow this awareness to give you a heightened level of understanding. It is with this understanding that we can grow both internally and externally; our relationships with ourselves and others improve, and we ultimately live better lives.

This is something I’ve had to learn the hard way as I’ve grown up (I use the term ‘grow up’ pretty loosely as I still have an awful lot of growing up to do!). So many arguments and bad feelings could have been prevented if I’d just held myself back for a moment. When I did eventually figure all of this out – roughly when I was about 18 –  it was as if I’d been given a new power. I sincerely hope I’ve passed on this power by writing this post!

The next time an unwanted feeling starts growing inside of you, be aware that you do not have to give in to it. Look at it, and let it pass.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

finding shapes in the fog is what shapes you

Everything is shrouded in fog today. My head, my surroundings, even these words I’m writing. I can’t quite remember when things started to feel like this; possibly when I was in Paris two weeks ago. Foreign travel always does strange things to me – I’ve never really clicked with it.

Disconnected days like these are when we must create solid ground for ourselves. Not only must we create solid ground, but we must believe that we are capable of doing so. Fog doesn’t linger forever.

Once we feel grounded again, we can adapt to the fog and become more capable as a result. If you can live clearly through fog you can live through anything.

After all, finding shapes in the fog is what shapes you.

I realise this was a relatively short post, but I hope it helps someone out there. You can tackle whatever is facing you today, I believe in you!

Love and luck,

Clodagh X