dynamics and identity | you are your own person

We are all sorts of things to all sorts of people. The ‘loud one’ in our friend group, yet the ‘quiet one’ at home. It is phenomenal how one person can assume a myriad of identities dependent on setting and circumstance. What’s even more fascinating, however, is how little control we appear to have over our place within a group. Without even realising we slot neatly into a jigsaw, twisting and curving to make room for others in spite of oneself.

There often comes a time at which we no longer want to be a part of the jigsaw. We want to clip a corner here, an edge there, all in an attempt to become a better person (or so one hopes). This isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s never easy as far as I’m concerned. You can reshape yourself as much as you want, but you cannot reshape others unless they want it for themselves.

This in turn means that it is incredibly difficult to change how you are perceived within a group. No matter how few arguments come as a result of your character, if you are perceived as ‘the one who starts arguments’, that is how you will be identified. If you are ‘the peacemaker’, you can start as many arguments you like without turning a hair, all because of your perceived identity within the group.

Grim and all as this may sound, there is something liberating about this realisation. Freedom accompanies the notion that battling others is futile. Your real target should be yourself. Changing yourself means changing your world, not the world we share. The people and events you attract will come as a result of said change, in stark contrast to what came as a result of your place in the jigsaw.

You are your own person. You are free.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

you cannot replace the present with the past | embrace the grey

Incomplete. Unfulfilled. Something is missing.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve experienced the above in my life so far. A sense that nothing is coming together as it should. It often seems to occur in the middle of something rather than at the start or end of a project or phase. You’re stuck in a grey hue of dissatisfaction, with seemingly no end in sight.

It is so easy at this point to look back on your life so far and pinpoint things that made you happy. Things that brought a sense of fulfillment and energy into your being. You may then attempt to re-introduce whatever it was that once completed you back into the present day, hoping that you will feel as alive as you know you are capable of feeling.

This is where we encounter an issue; what once completed you cannot possibly complete you again, as you are already complete in this regard. The action has served its purpose. To try and re-instate it will only bring you back to what is familiar, thus inhibiting growth of any kind.

This in and of itself may seem depressing, but it really isn’t. The fact that you feel a sense of distance from what once made you happy simply means that you are already growing, whether you realise it or not. Eventually you will grow into a new phase, one where you will feel as though you are living again. Embrace the grey hue, be aware of it, and take steps to flourish. It can seem like an impossible task when you are so deeply unsure of what life has in store for you, but you will ultimately look back on the grey parts of your life wishing you had moved forwards rather than backwards into familiar.

———

I realise this post was a bit haphazard, but I’m still readjusting after my week away! I hope you’re all as healthy and happy as can be. I’ll have a longer post up later in the week.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

moulding emotion | look at a feeling, let it pass

It starts in your gut. You feel your stomach churn, and soon your mind starts spinning. These cogs turn together, forcing your mouth into action so that, before you know it, you’ve said something you’ll live to regret. All because of a feeling that spun out of control.

This is an all-too-familiar experience for the majority of the human race. Someone says something, we take it personally and bam! the insecurities tumble out at record speed. It is phenomenal how any issue we have with the person facing us can be compressed into a little package of hate within seconds of a misinterpreted remark.

The same thing can happen when we are faced with unpleasant circumstances. Combine this with a lack of control over said circumstances and you have enough fuel to keep the cogs whirring until you’re engulfed in nothing but feeling. All rationality goes out the window, leaving you at the mercy of your primal instincts.

While you can’t necessarily stop a feeling from emerging, you can stop it from developing. All you have to do is acknowledge its presence, and let it pass. Don’t act on it. If that means staying silent for a second, or pausing for breath, don’t hesitate to do so. Just be aware that you’re feeling angry or hurt, even unloved, and allow this awareness to give you a heightened level of understanding. It is with this understanding that we can grow both internally and externally; our relationships with ourselves and others improve, and we ultimately live better lives.

This is something I’ve had to learn the hard way as I’ve grown up (I use the term ‘grow up’ pretty loosely as I still have an awful lot of growing up to do!). So many arguments and bad feelings could have been prevented if I’d just held myself back for a moment. When I did eventually figure all of this out – roughly when I was about 18 –  it was as if I’d been given a new power. I sincerely hope I’ve passed on this power by writing this post!

The next time an unwanted feeling starts growing inside of you, be aware that you do not have to give in to it. Look at it, and let it pass.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X