rigidity and authority

It can take a very long time to accept that you will never please everyone. Some people never accept it at all. They find themselves cornered by the opinions of others, unable to make any meaningful change in their life.

This is absolutely something I have dealt with; I can’t count the number of times I’ve woken up to searing self-doubt and non-existent self-esteem. It is no way to live, trust me.

A lot of it boils down to this feeling of never gaining approval from certain – wholly unimportant – individuals. No matter what you do they don’t seem to care. They continue to push their interests and their tastes upon those around them. It is exhausting even attempting to burst their bubble.

And thus we come to the issue. Why is their ‘bubble’ of what they deem to be ‘good’ or ‘worthy’ so definitive? It is a well-known fact that taste is purely subjective. What I hate, you may love. And vice versa. We all agree on that.

It is also a well-known fact, however, that it is very easy to present opinion as fact. It is disgustingly easy to convince someone that ‘this is better than that’ just because you say so. In short: rigidity of belief can translate to authority of belief if we are not careful.

Do not let this happen. If you like what you created, that’s the most important part. Whether or not other people like it is (unfortunately) not in your control; from a more positive angle, this also means that what other people like is not something that you are in charge of. This means that you are under no obligation to pay attention to what somebody says is good or bad. Something just ‘is’.

In no way is this post unique or groundbreaking, but it’s phenomenal how easy it is to forget that rigidity does not equate to authority. You will never, ever please the whole world at once.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

security lulls and shouts all at once

The future used to be my happy place. A place where I would be free to dream, achieve, and prosper. A place I would propel myself at the grand old age of 15, having come home from countless awful days at school, wishing it was all different. Fast forward seven years and things are not how I imagined they would be. For want of a more elegant phrase, life comes at ya fast.

What I am experiencing now is the future of 15-year-old Clodagh. In some respects, it’s exactly how I wanted it to be, and many of the worries I faced at that age are a thing of the past. I have, however, gone through excruciating psychological pain that I didn’t account for in the slightest. Pain that seeps into all elements of my life, tainting everything I love and live for. It’s been fun!

The changes I have endured mean that the future is a very, very different place now. I don’t dream of liberation so much as I crave security and long for contentedness. What’s more, seven years from now I’ll be 29, which is terrifying. To be frank, if I don’t have my life in order by then, I know that I’m going to feel like a complete failure. Mainly in terms of my career.

There is a simple remedy to this problem; settle right on down into a cosy, secure career and make peace with my life as it is. It almost sounds seductive. Certainty, approval, and financial security. What more could you want?!

This is where the lulling comes into play. I feel as though security is a kind of sleep you can fall into, blissfully swaddled in the rhythm of life – not dissimilar to the philosophy of Gurdjieff, who believed we all live in a kind of waking hypnosis.

I really, really, really do not want to succumb to security. This, however, is where the shouting takes centre stage. In order to live, we do need security of some kind. Financial security, a roof over our heads, etc. For this to happen, it goes without saying that stability in your profession is a huge help, if not essential. The worry that I could one day be struggling to keep a roof over my head yells at me every single time I think about the future. It ain’t fun.

There’s no real conclusion to this post, other than the fact that I know how hard I’ll have to fight both my instincts and the naysayers to prevent myself from falling asleep. I’d rather be painfully aware than blissfully unaware of what life could be like.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X

missing in action…

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t posted on The Electric Oracle for two weeks. Two weeks! I think that’s my longest break thus far. I’m very very sorry, but I’ve been incredibly busy with college / uni, mainly to do with my dissertation. I’ve also been doing other bits and pieces on the side; I’ve been helping out on an Irish language and culture-based podcast called ‘Motherfoclóir’, and I’ve been preparing for Christmas.

Realistically, I won’t be posting as much on The Electric Oracle between now and Christmas, much and all as I would love to. But I deplore the idea of churning out posts for the sake of a posting schedule; if something isn’t up to par, I won’t put it out.

In the meantime, you can watch my latest video for The Electric Oracle here, you can find Motherfoclóir wherever podcasts can be found (iTunes, that little podcast button on your iPhone, and this link right here), and you can pray that I make progress with this dissertation!

Thank you for bearing with me.

Love and luck,

Clodagh x

learning to construct

Something I’ve hit upon of late is the benefit of construction. Of making a point to construct rather than destruct. It can be easier said than done, but bear with me.

We all go through destructive periods in life. Times where we almost want something to be torn apart for the sake of it. Personally, I have found myself almost wanting to fail my degree just so I can feel something again. Indifference is hell.

When you start to feel like this, it is essential to make a conscious effort to construct. If you feel like destroying, put your mind elsewhere and create something. It can be as simple as tidying your room, or baking a cake. Really.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I find that when I’m making an effort – albeit unintentional – to keep my life in check, I am sending a message to my brain that now is a time to construct rather than destruct. So my brain stops hitting the big red button that sends everything to pieces.

Slowly but surely things will come together again. Your autopilot will put things in order and keep you safe rather than forcing you down the horrible path of self sabotage.

This advice isn’t as simple as ‘bake a cake the next time you feel your life is falling apart’; if only it were that simple! No. Baking a cake is a baby step, perhaps even a symptom of a constructive mindset, one that can be cultivated over time should you make a point of doing so.

Lots of love and luck, and apologies for the lack of writing last week!

Clodagh X

plans for the future | the electric oracle

Hey there!

Lately I’ve been himming and hawing over how to carry The Electric Oracle forwards in the future. As many of you know, I’ve been making YouTube videos on the side as well as writing (somewhat) regularly.

Something I’ve found interesting in this process is that WordPress and YouTube are two very separate platforms; that is to say that videos on WordPress don’t go down as well as pieces of writing, and obviously writing doesn’t go down well on YouTube.

In light of this, I’ve decided to make more of a distinction between my use of these platforms. From now on any main posts on The Electric Oracle will be exclusively in written format; these will be the Friday posts. Any videos I make will be shared on The Electric Oracle  (WordPress) on Sundays as supplementary posts rather than main posts. I will, however, be taking time to focus on making videos as I have found it to be an enjoyable and effective means of communication. You can subscribe to The Electric Oracle on YouTube here.

Thank you all so much for your continued support, I can’t wait to see where we are a year from now!

Lots and lots of love and luck,

Clodagh X

P.S. – here’s my latest video, all about the music that has shaped my life over the years!

looking through walls | dissatisfaction

One of the most intriguing aspects of feeling and emotion is how they cling to anything and everything.  The sensation of velvet on the skin makes you content inside. A particular shade of orange brings about a feeling of centred-ness.

Feeling also clings to places. Big time.

Have you ever walked into a building and almost felt as though you were crashing right into the walls of that building? An emotion surrounds you and there is no exit in sight. You, quite literally, feel walled in. Trapped.

We often feel trapped at the most inopportune of times. It is just when you have to see something through to the bitter end that you are desperate to leave. Of course this makes sense; if you don’t like something, you want to get rid of it. You want to be free. Leaving, however, isn’t always an option.

This is when you need to think past the boundaries. Place a window in the wall and see your life the way you want it to be. The more you cultivate the outside, the less energy you waste on the inside. By doing this you are putting in groundwork for the future; working the ground and making way for your life to blossom.

There may even come a time when your life starts to weave its way through the window, just as ivy spreads its veins for all to see. Do not be afraid to open the window and connect with this lifeline.

In short: iff there is something caving you in right now, look through the walls and grow your life the way you want it to be.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X