the way they make you feel | leave them behind

It is almost tragic how emotion can sweep us away. We know deep down that someone is not good for us, that they leave us raw with pain and upset with each and every encounter; yet we are still drawn towards them. Be it platonic or not, we love them. And we are powerless to prevent it.

Attempting to leave behind someone you connect with on a life level is nothing but torturous. What’s even more torturous is realising that you are the one who has been left behind. You are the one who is giving every second thought away to someone who deserves no place in your life. You are allowing someone to torture you.

Is there a remedy to this? In my opinion, yes. It’s about acceptance. You need to accept that feelings exist, that they may try to sway you from what you need. Your spirit is multifaceted; those you connect with on a soul level may not be accessing the best parts of you. Let your mind do the work. You do know what is best for you. Clinging to a semblance of happiness for the sake of your life is not worth it.

If there is someone in your life dragging you to your depths, leave them down there and rise above them. You will reach a whole new level of existence you didn’t think would see the light of day, the light of life.

It’s time to start living again.

dynamics and identity | you are your own person

We are all sorts of things to all sorts of people. The ‘loud one’ in our friend group, yet the ‘quiet one’ at home. It is phenomenal how one person can assume a myriad of identities dependent on setting and circumstance. What’s even more fascinating, however, is how little control we appear to have over our place within a group. Without even realising we slot neatly into a jigsaw, twisting and curving to make room for others in spite of oneself.

There often comes a time at which we no longer want to be a part of the jigsaw. We want to clip a corner here, an edge there, all in an attempt to become a better person (or so one hopes). This isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s never easy as far as I’m concerned. You can reshape yourself as much as you want, but you cannot reshape others unless they want it for themselves.

This in turn means that it is incredibly difficult to change how you are perceived within a group. No matter how few arguments come as a result of your character, if you are perceived as ‘the one who starts arguments’, that is how you will be identified. If you are ‘the peacemaker’, you can start as many arguments you like without turning a hair, all because of your perceived identity within the group.

Grim and all as this may sound, there is something liberating about this realisation. Freedom accompanies the notion that battling others is futile. Your real target should be yourself. Changing yourself means changing your world, not the world we share. The people and events you attract will come as a result of said change, in stark contrast to what came as a result of your place in the jigsaw.

You are your own person. You are free.

Love and luck,

Clodagh X